Why am I such a Wimp?
by Mrs. Horan
Summary: Alan wonders why he is such a wimp, why couldn't he just hang out with the Geeks when they were going to the Sci-Fi convention. Why did he have to fall for one of the Geeks? AlanxBill.


**A/N: I just got in to the Freaks and Geeks fandom and I am a huge Bill/Alan shipper. I started shipping them in the episode "Chokin' and Tokin'" when Alan almost killed Bill with peanuts. Then when he apologized and I was just like awe! So basically this chapter is all about what happened in the episode with a few thoughts that I thought that Alan would think you know. **

**Disclaimer: In my sad dreams….**

Alan's POV

I can't believe I am here starring at the four geeks Sam Weir, Neal Schweiber, Gordon Crisp and him… Bill stupid Haverchuck. Haverchuck has been the source of my problems since I was in elementary school. Him and his stupid greasy hair, his thick nerdy glasses, his crooked teeth, his nerdy outfits. I can't let him know about my stupid gigantic crush on Bill. I can't believe that I risked his life just to seem cool! I just want to hold him in my arms and apologize for every mean thing I have ever done to him. Having my dad push me down the hall at the hospital was so weird for me. I really wanted to see him so that I could just see his face. The face I have had a crush on for a long time. I remember that day perfectly.

FLASHBACK

"Hey idiot take your time." My dad said, then my dad started pushing me. "Come on move it." I could hear Bill's friend Sam say 'oh no what is he doing here?'

"Excuse me which one of you is Bill's mother?" My dad asked.

"I am." Miss. Haverchuck informed. I just stood there with a dumb look on my face so that they wouldn't think that I actually did care for the geek.

"My son has something he would like to say to you." My dad said pointing at me.

"I'm the one who put the peanut on Bill's sandwich." I explained to her. She looked shocked I could say, but I think flabbergasted is a better word for what her face was telling me. "I thought he was faking though, he is always lying about things like that. I didn't know he was allergic I swear."

"My goodness." Sam's mom said.

"Can I talk to him and tell him I'm sorry." Miss Haverchuck started shaking her head.

"No you can't talk to him cuz he is unconscious and he's in critical condition. And you better believe he's not lying about that." She walked away with Mrs. Weir as I gave her a dirty look. I wonder if she realizes that I actually do care about the loser. I just looked to my dad to see what he would say next.

"Sit down." He said and I listened. After sitting there for a little while; like maybe a few minutes I stood up and looked down the hall to see Miss Haverchuck and Mrs. Weir talking and Miss. Haverchuck was looking so distraught. I snuck in to Bill's hospital room to see him hooked up to so many machines. It scared me so bad; I almost started crying, I almost couldn't hold in the hot tears that were threatening to stream out of my tear ducts. He looks so vulnerable and helpless with that oxygen mask over his over sized mouth… He doesn't look peaceful and happy like he usually does when I watch him. I don't want my Bill to be like that ever again. Yes I did call him my Bill. I took a deep breath and got ready to speak.

"You awake?" I said like an idiot. "Haverchuck?" I questioned. I was ready for him to pop out of the bed saying that it was all just a cruel joke just like mine was. "You're not faking are you?" I just wanted to be sure, but he still laid there motionless. I took a deep breath, that's when it hit me. I really did this to him. I almost started crying again. "I didn't think you were really allergic." I explained again. "You just always say stupid stuff like that. Look I'm sorry, I…" I trailed off. I was almost to the point of being speechless, but I am Alan White I am never speechless so I continued to put my foot in my mouth. "I didn't mean to put you in the hospital. I was just goofing on you." I took another deep breath. "You know it's not like you guys have ever been nice to me. I remember like in the fourth grade I used to think you guys were like really cool. And this one time you brought a model of the Saturn 5 in for show and tell and I asked you guys if I could shoot off rockets with you and you said no." That's what really hurt, my crush didn't want me around. I started breathing hard. "So what Im supposed to be all nice to you guys and stuff. I like Comic books and science fiction too, but you guys never ask me to hang out." I just stared at his still motionless body. That's when I lost it. "Please don't die. Okay? I promise I will never be mean to you again even if you do something really stupid. Just don't die."

END OF FLASHBACK

That's when I left the room. A little while later while at home I found out that Bill was alive. He had woken out of his unconscious state. So I decided to go back to the hospital and give him another apology, one that he deserves from me.

FLASHBACK

I walked up to Miss Haverchuck who was at the hospital still and my dad started speaking first.

"I can't tell you how sorry I am about this whole thing and if there is anything we can do to make it better you know just let me know." He said. She just looked at me for a second.  
"I think your son can apologize to Bill now." She said and before I could accept my dad beat me too it again.

"Consiter it done." Then he looked at me waiting for me to go. "What are you going to yell at him from here. Come on, come on, come on." He said, then he pushed me to Bill's room. So I walked in there for the second time today

"Hey Haverchuck." I said. He looked better now. He wasn't hooked up to everything anymore.

"Hey Alan." He said in that deepish perfectly nerdy voice.

"I knew you wouldn't die. I can't believe you would be such a wus to die from a peanut." I said laughing.

"Aren't you glad I didn't die?" He said slightly smiling. Oh no he didn't hear me earlier did he?

"Yeah I'm glad for my sake. You think I want to end up in juvie for killing you." He just stared at me… No he can't know how I feel. "What are you looking at dork?" I asked.

"I heard you. You care about me. I heard everything you said." I laughed.

"I don't care about you."

"Yeah you do." Im going to keep denying it. "You think I'm cool." He said straight to my face. I have to admit this kid has guts.

"You want me to pound you?" He shrugged.

"You want to go with us to the Sci-Fi convention?" He asked. "It's this weekend." I scoffed.

"I don't want to hang out with you losers." I fought.

"Why not?" He asked.

"Cuz you're losers." I said. I really need to put my pride aside and just tell him how I feel… I can't he will just laugh in my face.

"You know you want too."

"No I don't."

"Yeah you do. Come on it will be so much fun. George Taki is going to be there and everything." He said. A tiny smile came to my face.

"George Taki?" I said more to my self than Bill.

"Yeah." A little smile came to Bill's face also.  
"I don't know." I said unsure. "It'd be kinda weird."

"Well we are all going to meet at Sam's house at ten o'clock on Saturday. If you want to go just show up." He said. I just turned around and started to walk out, I stopped and breathed deeply.

"Haverchuck. I'm sorry."

"It's okay. Just don't do it again because I could die."

"I know." I sighed.

END OF FLASHBACK

That's when I walked out of the room and now here I am standing at the end of Sam's driveway on my bike. I was watching them act like dorks. I wish I could act like dorks with them. I just shook my head and sighed, "Man." Airy laugh. "I just can't do it." I just shook my head and road off on my bike.


End file.
